Mmmmmm
Tra-la-la-la-la
Aaa, Eee, Iii, Ooo, Uuu

Sorry, vocal warms ups are an essential part of my routine, yet I've never understood how they actually help my blogging - anyway...

I would suggest that there are three key sections to a musical, with a few sub sections. You can see the breakdown below and I have scored each. It's all very scientific...

Singing
The whole cast were West End ready, their voices professional, animated and powerful. Alexandra Parkes had a beautiful tone, her voice was trained enough to blend in but quirky enough to stand out.
23/25

Dancing
The cast had quite a glamorous finale full of jazz, tap and from what I can remember bowler hats. It was my favourite moment of the show and looked the most professional. The cast had great energy and top talent to give it real 'pizzazz'. I'd have given this full marks if only there was more of it!
20/25

Music & Lyrics
Honestly, it wasn't bad. Not great but still enjoyable. There was a nice mixture of sad, silly and soppy with some catchy lyrics too. One stand out song and performance came thanks to Cameron Sharp, who dreams of playing famous parts on stage, with musical nods to some very recognisable songs. It's a shame the music was terribly loud and often drowned out the actors...
12/25

Acting
Unfortunately it was average. No stand outs here. Well, there was one but for all the wrong reasons. The sleazy front of house manager, Robin, was just OTT. He really played on the whole villain thing but at times it was unbearable.
5/15

Story
A predictable and light-hearted look into the world of Ushers who are working the launch of 'Oops I did it again'. If you're a theatre goer, you will geek out at the many inside topical jokes. I did.
3/5

Venue
A beautiful church that is the pinnacle of the street on your approach. It has a real presence and makes for an alternative venue. I don't know who decides the location of each show but this production lucked out! Yes, I know the acoustics were poor at times but I just loved the aesthetics.
5/5

68/100

It's no Wicked or Legally Blonde but it is a nice attempt at a contemporary musical. It's upbeat, fun and funny and certainly one of the better productions at the Fringe this year.

9-30 August, Momentum Venues @ St Stephens (venue 166) 21.30
Either sit on the front row or on the raised platforms for the best view!

https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/ushers-the-front-of-house-musical

Once upon a time there was a young girl who was visiting her first ever Edinburgh Fringe. She had her beau by her side and passion in her heart with excitement bubbling under the surface. She simply burst at the seems when gliding down The Royal Mile, letting the sights, smells and street acts envelop her. The sun was shining on her blonde locks, her fingertips entwined delicately with that of her Prince Charming's and the atmosphere was all she wanted it to be and more.

But unknowingly to the loving couple, an evil sight led them astray. They locked eyes with a dark dramatic poster, one that enticed them with familiar words and impressed them with shocking descriptions. It haunted the couple for days, stalked them, and dug deep into their minds. Enough so that they followed the instructions to Fourth Monkey's Grimm Tales: Rapunzel.

A queue fed them with false hopes and the room tricked them with images of a professional production. They endured an hour of amateur performance. They felt hurt, even through moments of clever physical theatre, or hints of witches with some potential, the deception was too strong to overcome.

The girl with blonde hair and Prince Charming with brown locks left the room with a deeper understanding of what it really is to experience the Fringe; the inevitability of selecting the ugly shows. As they ran up the cobbled hill to the Royal Mile of fonder Fringe memories, their naivety shred. They retained their positive outlook and had grown ever so slightly.

Do not be fooled. Do not be tricked. This show you choose will be poor I predict.

9-29 August, theSpace on Niddry St (venue 9) 16.30
Thankfully I got these tickets at the Virgin Media Half Price Hut

https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/fourth-monkey-s-grimm-tales-rapunzel

So as expected, it was all made up. And this time it was indeed social. #hashtag

This show was epic and not in the 'it was funny as f**k' kinda way but in the 'it was long as hell' kinda way. This unruly sort decided to go off script, or off the scribbled biro notes on their forearm, to bump it up to a four hour extravaganza. Please see a list of things I could have done in that four hours:

• Binge-watch four episodes of Orange is The New Black with half an hour spare to google for pizza discounts and then use new found discounts at dominoes. 
• Watch The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring... yeah right!
• Make a single trip down to London taking into account train delays. I wouldn't get back, have anywhere to stay or anything to eat but my point still stands - I think.

Nevertheless it was a jam-packed bill with some of the best, and not so best comedians past and present doing it all for charity, in the Gilded Balloon Gala that has 30 years of entertainment history. Here is (nearly) everyone with my favourites in bold:

Adam Hills, Fred MacAulay, Johnny Vegas, Aisling Bea, Stephen K Amos, Sean Hughes, David O'Doherty, Luisa Omielan, Sean Cullen and Phil Nichol, Garry Tank Commander, Ed Byrne, The Boy with Tape on His Face, Tommy Tiernan, Barry Cryer, Alan Davies, Daniel Kitson, Jason Byrne and virtually Rich Hall, Tim Minchin, Ross Noble, Bill Bailey.

Adam Hills is like the Psy of 2015. I'm not saying he's irritating with bad dance moves (although I've never seen his 'robot') but he is absolutely everywhere at the moment.  He co-hosted this gala and delivered a simple yet effective musical break that united the audience and singled out some Australians. Sean Hughes danced around like an idiot to represent aging through choreography. David O'Doherty sang a pretty depressing song with passion and gusto that was weirdly... uplifting. Sean Cullen sang his apparently famous 'I'm the only gay Eskimo' song that was possibly the funniest moment of the Gala. Alan Davies spoke about sex - always a winner and Daniel Kitson basically trashed the stage and flogged a GoPro.

However, disappointingly this gala only had two women on the bill, ran for too long and finished with a pretty naff attempt at comedy. For the most part it was funny with some of the bigger names lifting me out of my comedy coma but ultimately my stamina was not up to the test. Instead of wanting more - I wanted out.

Check out other shows taking place in what is a deceivingly large venue with a terribly out of date website. Edinburgh Playhouse http://www.playhousetheatre.com/

He's like that kid at school, who is really mysterious and broken and stuff. He isn't a bully, or captain of the football team but he is adventurous, a little naughty and has great hair.

But now he's all grown up, has done serious s**t that has broken him for good and he still has great hair. It has tinged him with this kind edginess, the sort that comes with life experience.

He's a f**king rockstar! Just look at this picture for gods sake.

IMAGE CREDIT https://goo.gl/QlNMak

So, comedy is the only natural path for him. The self deprecating Tom using an outlandish persona that cultivates comedy to heal and requires an audience to adore. He tackles some tough issues such as:

• Dealing with his status as an immigrant
• Painful festival experiences
• Emotional responses to daytime television
• Parent and child disconnection

He's a true fighter and any support you provide him will be cherished. It may not be instrumental in his recovery, but it will be a valuable contribution.

---------------

Cutting the bulls**t though - this was the best I've seen him by far. He was on his A game. I was in fits of laughter and can't wait to see his next tour. If you're a fan, then you'll love this new material. If you've never seen him, than give it a go. I'm not saying he'll be your cup of tea but I promise he's worth a taste.

9-30 August, The Assembly Rooms (venue 20), 21:40
Queue early for front seats - if your dare.

https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/tom-stade-you-re-welcome

1. Gunge their parent, uncle or teacher but didn't get the chance. *cue aww* 
2. Jump on huge inflatables, chucking food into an adult filled giant baby costume *cue laughter* 
3. And to at least be part of the audience - well now's your chance. *cue screams*. 

This was our lets-go-crazy-and-buy-tickets-for-the-next-leaflet-we-get-oh-look-this-ones-about-some-Korean-dancing-wanna-try-that-why-not-it's-the-fringe moment.

We had no idea what to expect. But the flyer looked colourful and the flyer(er?) was really enthusiastic so we headed on down to George Square. We were not disappointed.

It was a real treat getting to watch a show that was so culturally alien to us - was it accurate to Korean traditions? I haven't the slightest but to an untrained eye it was spot on...  I was mesmerised by the simplicity of the waves of cloth and boat of twine then brought back to reality with the powerful drums.

Now, the drums. The drummers were the highlight. As my partner said, they have 'mad-skills'. He's 26 with the vocabulary of a 14 year old boy but really, I couldn't think of a better word. Please watch out for the woman with the biggest drums who has a solo - she was a star and pulled my focus much of the time.

The singing and dancing swallowed me up into a cocoon of joy. That sentence sounds ridiculous but I really was swept away into this show. The energy. The talent. The costumes. The singing. The dancing. The drumming. The wonder. The beauty. I'm gushing like a 14 year old girl - maybe my partner and I are more a like than I think - but it's hard to find a bad word to say.

I guess 'the paradise' idea was slightly lost on me but still, I would have loved to see this show on a bigger stage, with a bigger production and a bigger budget. I think it'd be a real spectacle. Leodo was the hidden gem in our Edinburgh Fringe crown.

We'd never have chosen the show if that kid with a flyer didn't promote it. Three cheers and a jagerbomb to the unsung heroes of the Fringe. The moral of the story:
Don't be rude to the flyer(ers?), they are people who have feelings too - very 'in your face' feelings but still, they may just pass on a flyer to what becomes your favourite show of the fringe. The end.

5-30 August. Assembly, George Square Studios (venue 17), 14:00
A regular show at the Virgin Media Half Price Hut!

https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/leodo-the-paradise

We quite spontaneously bought tickets for this show about 20 minutes before it started. In no way was the massive queue outside the venue a guiding factor in this decision. We aren't that superficial. Huh. No not us. Noway...

We even kept the mystery alive with no idea of who was performing. And that had nothing to do with us missing the quite obvious line up boards. Oh no, we just wanted the surprise. Yeah, that was it.

Actually, reading the board would have been a huge mistake because I only recognised one name in the set. I would have walked away thinking 'best of the fest my a**' I would have missed out on catching new talent that will be household names some day. I'd have lost the right to say that really obnoxious thing 'I saw them before they were famous'. But aha, our superficial nature didn't fail us.

So, in order of my favourite I'm going to write 6 words on each comedian, not physically on them with like sharpie, but in this blog as to avoid a very long and boring read. Aren't I thoughtful. Or deluded thinking people actually read this.

Iain Stirling: compare, Scottish, poster-boy, likable, silly, hilarious
Rhys Nicholson: ginger, Australian, quick-witted, diva, clever, laugh-out-loud (shush that's one word)
Joel Dommet: camp, posh, recognisable, relatable, friendly, funny
Beardy man: unexpected, mime, comedic, beat-box, skilled, impressive
Ronny Chieng: Asian, matter-of-fact, young, moody, internal, tryer
Luisa Omielan: female, feisty, confident, annoying, half-naked, loud
One guy in audience: American, hammered, stupid, idiot, rude, alone (no surprise)

Go wild and buy a midnight ticket. You might just discover something profound. No that's a lie. You'll just have a reet laugh with what is the best of the fest. And kill six birds with one stone. Not literally unless you have an underlying problem. It just saves trekking to six different venues and spending sixtuplet (?) as much... Damn I should have quit three sentences ago - sorry.

23 & 27-30 August, Assembly Hall (Venue 45), 00:00
Queue at least 45 minutes in advance for the best seats you hardcore fringies. 

https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/best-of-the-fest

The room was understated. The set was minimalist. The crowd apprehensive. Here enters Magiko.

His wide eyes, big hair and towering height bounces into the room with unsuspecting energy. His enthusiasm is immediately present as is the passion that is pouring from his introduction. He's a likable guy. He's got this childish innocence matched with confidence. I felt at ease and ready to enjoy the next hour knowing I'm not wasting it with an amateur. All of this within 3 minutes. I know, I can read people. Fast.

He spoke a lot about chance, luck, fate and everything in between. He appealed to our intellect and made us ask ourselves questions that we have probably never answered. He fed us with a healthy portion of inspiring and intriguing quotes, which would make a great twitter biography. You know, instead of 'YOLO'.

My fella loves figuring out how stuff is done, shame he can't figure out how the washing machine works but he did seem to solve most of the tricks and claims he saw the change of cards in another. However, one trick did completely blow us away. Close up magic at its best. Literally we didn't blink. Or move. We tried so hard to focus. But still the card in his hand changed in front of our eyes. He even did it in slo-mo! Damn.

Siegfried Tieber, his real name which I think is actually much better than the show title, is very compelling, no doubt skilled and completely likable. Don't go expecting Derren Brown or Dynamo and you'll enjoy a very capable close up magician.

9-31 August, Spotlites (Venue 278), 22:40.
You can often find his show on Virgin Media Half Price Hut.

https://tickets.edfringe.com/whats-on/magiko

IMAGE CREDIT http://goo.gl/XU74F6

I'm a fringe virgin. And an Edinburgh one. So this festival was a complete leap into the unknown. I'd not been given a talk off my parents, my friends had never done it and google is like that mate who has apparently done everything. So myself, and the man I love just went for it. It was a bit of a muddle, quite overwhelming and electronic devices played a major part but we came out of the other end, exhausted and aching yes but rather exhilarated.

So, to make your first time and my next time a little easier, I've put together some notes on all aspects of the experience...

Travel 
I hate buses but I have to say in Edinburgh they were extremely regular and ran until 4am. If you're lucky enough to stay central, then everything is within walking distance.

• Single Ticket £1.50 
• Unlimited Day Pass £4
• After 6pm get a day and night ticket for £3.50 - last buses around 3am
• Download the Transport for Edinburgh app and buy your tickets online

Food
It's everywhere, all kinds and all prices.

• Lunch at Noodle'N'Ice on South Bridge was a highlight
• We had posh afternoon tea at The Dome - beautiful and tasty but prepare for the steep bill
• There's tonnes of street vans for a bite whilst changing venues
• Find lots of cheeky discount vouchers on available discount apps

Well, that's everything I can think of. I have finally broken my Fringe virginity after 25 years and can't wait to do it again - next time I might try it with someone new or even involve a few people ;) Either way I'll be better at it next time and will no doubt learn some new tricks.

IMAGE CREDIT https://goo.gl/K14VUp

Dear Valued Customers,

As you are well aware, Kellerman's Hotel and Resort has a long standing tradition of good old family fun with just a dash of rumba to spice up the trip for our more seasoned visitors. However, after a review of last season our advisory board have come to the conclusion that we need a refreshed vision, look and programme that reflects the changes in times.

We hope to accommodate our regulars with strong programme favourites such as bingo, outdoor dominoes and formal dance evenings but also attract new visitors with exciting additions. These include new dance nights allowing 'loose' and 'informal' choreography and an open door policy to all dress codes. The end of show will also take a new shape by steering away from our talent show format, as Johnny Castle takes on the role of creative director.

We know this transition will be a challenge for staff and visitors alike, but we hope you stay with us as we renew our policies to cater for a wider audience. This is an exciting time for our resort, and we are one of the first to be so bold. For your continued support we'd like to offer you a 20% discount on your next stay and a free dance lesson.

Finally I would like to take this opportunity to announce my early retirement from Kellerman's. I have made many memories and friends over the years, who I hope can support my decision to move onto other endeavours. I wish all employees the best of luck and I will continue to be an advocate for Kellerman's in this time of change.

Join hands and hearts and voices
Voices, hearts and hands
At Kellermans the friendships last long
As the mountains stand

Yours faithfully,
M. Kellerman

-----------------------------------

Dirty Dancing the Musical delivered everything you would expect.

Every memorable, and even the not so memorable moments were replicated in the show from dancing on a log, putting baby in a corner to 'I carried a watermelon'. The audience understandably went wild every other minute, partly due to the majority of the crowd being female groups who'd had one too many and partly due to the topless 'Johnny Castle'. Expect this a lot. He was very... buff. *cough*

Kellerman's Resort was captured perfectly in the set and used creatively in the transitions. There isn't much to be said for the acting. It was average but it is really damn hard to come even close to such a classic. Even the best actors in the world would fail against the version of Dirty Dancing in my head.

The soundtrack was a winner, so no complaints there.

Really, this musical is a trip down memory lane, a fun night out and a chance to collectively boogie along to some of the most enjoyable songs of all time. Don't expect a Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey and you'll be fine.

Have the time of your life (sorry) at http://www.dirtydancingontour.com/tickets/tour-tickets/

IMAGE CREDIT http://goo.gl/cdkFFZ

I am unsure how to begin this letter. To expose a truth that will affect so many people. So I will begin where it began, the day I met Derren.

He'd been transferred to my class after misbehaving in another. He was confident, mischievous and quickly became known as the trickster. Only small things, you know, like loosening screws on a teachers chair legs or putting super glue on the end of their chalk sticks. It escalated to the point where he could orchestrate a full class to follow his command. No matter how severe the punishment, at least eraser duty seemed extreme back then, the class would follow the plan or at minimum encourage it. I think it was because he was a polite boy with good grades and a large vocabulary. A smooth talker, clever charmer or as you know him powerful performer.

I'd sit quietly in the back and observe the show. Oh he was good, no doubt about that but he wasn't great. I knew he needed me but I had to convince him of that fact.

He swanned into class one day and began devising his next trick. I could see him jotting down notes on a paper. Luckily for him his natural intelligence got him through high school comfortably so his mind could wander without much impact. I knew immediately his plan could be improved, they all could and this was no different. I passed him a note saying 'apples you see but labs the key'. I'm a cryptic person and he's a fast learner. The face that lifted from the note was one I will always remember. His eyes wide and hungry. His smile small and hiding his true excitement.

The teacher ended up in the middle of the sports hall taped to a trampoline in his boxers and tie. He never remembered how he ended up their yet it remained the most memorable event in the schools history. I love irony.

That began our partnership.

'Miracle' is my final tour. It has proven to be the one I reveal the truth. The miracle that I am the mastermind. The Derren you see is a fraud. The Derren you know is a fake. The Derren you love is finished. I can not stand by any longer, or more accurately sit on the sides any longer and let him take the glory. I devised his tricks, trained his mind and honed his skills. I also mixed up the formula that numbs the mind, making it susceptible to almost anything - an unnoticeable scratch on the surface of the skin, a drop in your drink or a injection in your apple and the key to the whole damn act.

----------------------

This was a last minute theatre trip that I had the highest expectations of. I've heard only great things about this great man and he was absolutely a great showman. He has flair and exudes this old school charm that is sprinkled with mischievous humour.

The first half was Derren at his best, clearly in his element. Reveling in a series of successful tricks that feed the mind through power of persuasion. However, I did not enjoy the second half in the slightest. He commits to staging a reenactment of some well known 'miracles' to prove a point but it was lost through my irritation and hatred of the point - one that I ironically agree with. I only wish he did more of the first half - that was the stuff that wowed me.

I am not Derren, you are entitled to make up your own mind. Catch the show before it's gone http://derrenbrown.co.uk/on-stage/

*the letter above is obviously a piece of fiction - please read as such.
**the review is very much my opinion - please read as such.

IMAGE CREDIT: http://www.channel4.com/info/press/news/initial-cast-announced-for-the-vote

Edward Scissorhands is an incredible man with an incredible story. He has seen much acclaim due to his unusual, often unbelievable past and of course the cult film adaptation of his life. Edward still lives on his own, peering down on the love of his life from afar, with no plans to return to the limelight. However, I scooped an exclusive and rare meeting with the man himself, to discuss Matthew Bournes interpretation of his life story.

Image Credit: http://nicetogeekyou.com/2014/04/19/burton-ballet/

Entry into the, what most people have come to call, castle on a hill was strangely uplifting. You would assume that I would encounter a dark and dreary estate to reflect a somewhat tragic story. Yet the grounds were leafy green, the hedges were neatly sculptured and the sun was suspended just to the right of the mansion gifting light around the grounds. The gates had recently been reinforced thanks to charitable donations aiming to protect what has become a national treasure. The mansion itself however remained outdated and broken, almost capturing this mans spirit. I was ushered into a large bare space, seated on a green leather couch and asked to turn off all electronic equipment. With my note pad and pen in hand, Edward Scissorhands shuffled into the room, stood no more than 2 metres away and waited.

Hi Edward, thank you for your time today, myself and the readers are extremely excited to here from such an iconic figure.
Edward shifts his head to the right.

I know you have limited time today and I only have a few questions regarding the stage adaptation of your life. I smile nervously, hoping for a response.
Edward doesn't move.

I shift in my seat and begin, understanding this was to be brief and to the point. It has been a long time since you have allowed someone access to your story. Why did you agree to this interpretation?
The film was like a documentary. A lot of people saw it. Yet it was a long time ago. The time felt good. Good to retell my story. In a new way.

What do you gain from telling your story either through film or stage?
People understand. I am not a monster. I am not. He shifts his head back to centre.

Matthew Bourne left you with example video extracts expressing your story through dance. Was it the evidence of a powerful show that drew you to agree or the impressive backlog of work from Matthew himself?
Both.

He was a man of few words. It felt rude to ask for more yet... Could you explain a little further?
Matthew is a fan. Sending kind letters and invites to his shows. I know a lot are popular. I see emotion in his movement. He shifts his weight forward very slightly. This is stronger than words.

I swiftly move into my next question knowing it is much sought after information. His version differs slightly from the film. Which one truly reflects your life, if any?
Edward stands upright and stares wide eyed into the distance. I wait a couple of seconds hoping for an answer. Many people have speculated about the true events of his past. How much is actually divulged? Does he alter sections to conceal his true hurt? Some more negative people say he fabricates stories - that he is a fantasist and recluse. It looks like we will not get an answer today. I move on hoping I haven't damaged his engagement in this meeting.

Edward. His gaze falls onto me. What part of the show do you enjoy most?
The neighbours. You see lots. Different types of families. I met a lot of people. Nice and. And not so. 

It is definitely a very colourful and exciting section. You met a lot of interesting people who are brought to life on stage through simple yet precise choreography. What do you want the people who watch this show to experience?
He lifts his chin, closes his eyes and releases a breath. Life. 

With that final line, Edward lifts the right side of his mouth upwards for only a fleeting second but remains to be a moment that will last in my mind. I smile. Thank you.

---------------------------------------------

Edward was endearing, innocent and uplifting from the moment he shuffled on stage. All of the impressive scenes from the film were captured in moments of magic. It's true, you forget words aren't present as only movement takes you on this emotional journey. Finally, the iconic and powerful music is sprinkled throughout the show and is guaranteed to give you goose pimples.

If there is any show to watch this year, it's this one and it doesn't come around often. It's as rare and beautiful as a diamond.

*Obviously the interview is fictional.
** But the show is truly amazing.

Follow this link to see if Matthew Bournes Edward Scissorhands is touring near you: http://new-adventures.net/edward-scissorhands/tour-dates