This star studded Panto, as capitalised in the image, is most definitely for grown up boys and girls!! The author of this good old Christmas classic is Paddy McGuiness. Wow, can't you tell this dirty masterpiece has been conjured up from a mind like his. It's a Northern thing.

Now, here is where I normally briefly enlighten readers on the plot... So I'll give it ago. Jonathan Wilkinson... sorry, Wilkes (who, may I add, is way more hot than I remember??) encourages his mate, Paddy McGuiness, to save Panto Land! Evil King Foo has only gone and kidnapped Princess Crystal (who I'd never heard of either) So all of the magical lands characters have gone on strike and their only hope are those two idiots. The first half made some sense; the second half was a mess. But who cares that the storyline was weak and confusing, I didn't go expecting to see Freytag's 5 act structure, it was all about the humour!

This Panto contained all of the age old characters, with a bit of a difference, ok a massive difference. We have, 'Big Dick' Whittington, a cross dressing, stripper dwarf, slutty Snow White, slutty Fairy Godmother (a loose woman... no seriously, the actress Zoe Tyler was one of the many Loose Women), slutty Red Riding... You get the jist! 

The baddie, Evil King Foo, got some stick. At one point someone shouted, 'You're a d*ckhead'. Harsh, yes; Funny, hell yes!! Brian Capron took the hatred well, he must have experience? Oh yeah, coronation street! (If you don't get that, then you need to buff up on your soaps)

There is bucket loads of tongue in cheek humour, and very obvious innuendos - much better to cut to the chase, dont'cha think? The audience barely stopped laughing. One dodgy joke I clearly remember, due to the utter gasp from the audience, was about Joseph Fritzel. Jonny instantly reacted giggling, 'I think we'll cut that one'. If you're reading this Jonny, did you ever cut it? I hope you didn't, I secretly found it funny, but I followed the crowd with a gasp to look socially mature... 

Some more giggling came from both Paddy and Jonny and the butch Grand Dame Dolly Dumpling. Corpsing, forgetting lines, including unplanned jokes resulting in each other bursting into fits. You'd think this was unprofessional, but in the context of this show, it made it that more hilarious. 

There was the expected audience participation. Two highlights, screaming 'There's a prostitute!' and the fact that my side (Jonny's half) won in the sing off! 

Paddy insults you. Jonny charms you. They really do make you feel like their best friends. I'm used to the tough love - what with having 6 big brothers!! What made me more comfortable, were the local references. Mention Manchester United and City, then expect some uproar. Heaton park made a chavvy appearance. As a united fan, you can't go without a dig at racism in Liverpool FC. Top marks lads.

Pantos On Strike is a great way to beat the January Blues, and from looking at Paddy you'll soon realise just how well your resolution dieting is going!! *Advice: Paddy it's your humour and cheeky nature that is your attraction...

Boys, I simply cannot wait to go again next year!! Jonny, stay lovable and good looking. Paddy, get that sick mind of yours writing (maybe have a jog)

*Small Print - Paddy is not fat. I merely tried to make a humiliating remark at Paddy's expense, just for the laughs! Plus I'm northern too and love a cheeky insult.

Now, I'm going to settle down to abitta guilty pleasure TV, 'Take Me Out'... 

No likey - No fu*king chance!